Finding Contentment in Motherhood (Guest Post)

I was confronted a year or so ago about my dwelling upon the
future, living from goal and accomplishment to the next.  I have always relied upon knowing and
planning for the next step in life, carefully choosing my strategies and
building my life around getting what I thought I wanted and needed.  Motherhood stripped me of the ability to live
life this way and confronted me with my need to rethink my concept of personal
significance and worth.

One of the most difficult parts of staying home with
children is the utter lack of accomplishment, or at least significant
accomplishments.  Saying I kept everyone
(including myself) fed, dressed and healthy doesn’t seem like I’ve reached my
potential for the day, let alone year after year.  Early motherhood leaves little room for any
immediate planning or accomplishments outside of caring for babies.

Upon becoming a mother, I never expected to feel down at
times, frustrated, literally bored to tears, alone and mad at myself for
feeling these things.  I hope no one confuses
my openness about these experiences and feelings as distaste for motherhood or
my family.  I think for many, motherhood
brings a distaste for the copious physical duties that we are asked to
complete, which are separate from the relational duties that need tending.

The need to clarify this possible confusion is testament to
the cultural problem of pursing happiness as our ultimate end, even within the
Christian community.  We expect in
America that we can and should be happy and we confuse the pursuit of happiness
with our pursuit of God.  We make the
faulty assumption that God wants us to be happy and so we’ll know we found
God’s will when we feel happy.

While feeling content or happy in our work can be a sign
that we are on the right path to seeking God (after all God is not a sadist and
isn’t opposed to happiness), it is not always the case that we will feel happy
when doing the will of God.   Most of us
enjoyed our professional lives and followed a vocational call to find our jobs,
many of which were tailored to our strengths.
We usually avoided taking on duties that we did not enjoy and choose
positions that struck our fancy.  Our
work then was our positive feedback, in addition to reviews and comments by our
colleagues.

Motherhood is a very different type of work than that of the
professional world.  It’s uniqueness
highlighted by the fact that most women are called to motherhood (81% according
to 2010 US Census) and so 81% of us are ask to do the same job.  Imagine if 81% percent of us were asked to
become an executive assistants, mayors or journalists.  While professional work is highly specialized
and tailored to our strengths, motherhood is a general position and no matter
the diversity of our skill set, 81% of women are asked to excel in motherhood.

Let’s touch back on the happiness problem.  We cannot expect that the 81% of us who are
called into motherhood will all enjoy (and feel content with) the tasks related
to motherhood equally.  Some us who’s
minds are designed to be architects will feel very frustrated by their lack of
ability to create buildings, or those of us called to law will feel pent up
over not being able to dive into legal reasoning.

We trade our professional specialties for our general tasks
of laundry, wiping, cleaning, organizing, driving, scheduling, dishes, dinner,
etc…  How can we then expect to feel
happiness in doing jobs that we were not vocationally called to?  What should we expect from our daily work as
mothers?

Instead of expecting to feel content or happy staying home
and caring for babies, I propose that we instead seek to feel peace and
joy.  God never once promises us
happiness in the Bible if we seek him, but he does promise peace and joy.  We do not need to enjoy the jobs we do each
day in caring for our children to know that we are on the right path.  If God has blessed us with children, then we
are called by him and it is his will for us to care for them (please note that
I am NOT proposing that only stay-at-home moms are fulfilling this call…).

Dishes, laundry, diapers, subduing a screaming toddler are
all the jobs we have to do so that we can care for our children.  Where I went wrong in my journey as a young
mother was mistaking the daily work of motherhood for motherhood itself.
Motherhood is not the mundane list of physical work and duties, rather it is
more abstract.  A presence instead of a
force.

It is easy to look at the physical jobs that you complete
each day as your work.  I reached the
realization that those mundane, tedious, awful jobs that I can’t stand just
come with the territory.  The best part
of my day, the part that gives me “content” feelings, is being with my
children.  I love reading to them, going
on a family run, hearing them squeal in the park, dwelling on their adorable
faces or the silly things that they say.
If I have to spend 90% of my day driving carpool, making meals, cleaning
spilled milk, etc… to get to the warm and fuzzy 10%, then great.  But even if none of it was fun or fulfilling,
it is still worth doing because it is God’s will for me to care for my children
and to be their physical source of love and comfort so that when they grow they
will come to understand his heavenly love for them.  This job is not immediately rewarding, the pay
is lousy, the duties are humbling and mundane, there are no accolades or
awards, but it is worth doing simply and I can find peace and joy in it because
I have been called to do it.

When I worked, I kept my life’s goal posted on my desk so
that I could pray over and meditate on it all day:

“By the means of God’s grace and for the hope of his glory,
I will love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my
mind and with all my strength.”

It was easier to feel as though I was living for these goal
when I was doing a job where 80% of it’s description fit my strengths and
abilities, where I could shine and be recognized for my skills.  I am going to dig out my little note card and
re-post my goals in my kitchen, where I complete most of my work now that I am
a mother.  Undertaking motherhood doesn’t
always make me feel good about myself or highlight my strengths, but it gives
God a chance to shine in the midst of my weakness and that means that it is
actually easier to achieve my ultimate life goal and mission while being a
mother than doing my regular job.

Now when I am bored to tears digging through a pile of
laundry, I see it as an opportunity for God to shine.  If I can be thankful and at peace while
cleaning spilled milk for the third time in a day, it is God’s victory.  If I am joyful when making dinner (a duty I
can’t stand!), praise be to God!  Me being a mother brings glory to God and that is the whole reason why I am here.