To Teddy on Your First Birthday

Dear Teddy,

Today is your 1st birthday! You have brought us insurmountable joy each and every day of the past 12 months. Your smile lights up our lives and your giggle is contagious. You were the calm and comfort our lives needed this year. 

I’ve started and stopped your first birthday letter quite a few times. Partially because, like all your siblings, it’s hard for me to close the chapter of the first year. And partially because I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not to talk pandemic on such a joyous day. But you were born during a big part of history and it’s part of your story; part of our story. 

You and I watched the world change in your first few days on earth. We snuggled in that hospital bed watching the news, watching things in the outside world going from bad to worse. There was no time for panic though, I was in newborn bliss.

The hospital itself changed so quickly in those few days while we were there. I walked in at 3am on a Sunday night to an empty, silent place. It was so empty I couldn’t even find someone to ask where the labor and delivery floor was (while Dad parked the car). I found my way and was met by security asking me a series of questions that made me feel like this pandemic was creeping much closer to our home. 

Your siblings visited hours after you arrived and just a few hours after that the nurse told me they were the last kids that would be allowed in for a long time. The rules were changing. I could sense tension building around us. So we stayed in our little space away from the chaos. 

The day we left, the lobby of the hospital could not have possibly felt any different than the night I walked in: it was busy, crowded, people looked nervous and I knew we were walking out into a different world. And we walked… Dad offered to get the car but I looked down at you and knew we had to get out right then and there. There was no lingering around.

 

You were greeted from the very start by siblings running to you as fast as they could. We sat on the front steps and as soon as they spotted you on their walk home from school, they screamed and started running! 

 

Just like that, you were home and part of our family. People often asked what it was like “adjusting to life with 5 kids”. There was no adjusting to life with 5 kids, there was only adjusting to life in lockdown amidst a global pandemic. The day after you arrived home and quarantine started: you were part of our quaranTEAM and regardless of whether a teammate arrived the day before or years before, we were one unit. 

 

I think that’s what makes you extra special to our family. You were instantly part of US. There was no trying to work out a new baby in our existing routine. We had a brand new world to face the week you arrived. It looked a little scary, rather tricky, at times frustrating and the #1 highlight was you. 

 

When the kids first found out school and activities were cancelled, they rejoiced because it meant more time to hold you. Hold you they did. 12 months later and there is still a fight at least once a day over who’s turn it is to hold you. 

Our days revolved around you. I’m not sure how many 5th children can say that! With Dad working from home, he helped with the other kids so you and I could have a quiet morning waking up. Then it was downstairs where you were passed from sibling to sibling on the couch. 

 

There was no rushing out the door to anything or anywhere. There were just days of enjoying your tiny newness and letting you eat and sleep when you pleased. Our nights revolved around Netflix and who snuggled with you first on the couch: me or dad. 

 

After 75 days at our house we ventured to the beach. Even though we were finally out and about, your siblings stuck by you close and we happily got to show you some of our favorite places. The pool opened in town shortly after and we started to introduce you to friends. Being outside all the time was a blessing and you loved it. 

 

In those first weeks of Summer I found out I had antibodies and it happened to be right around when early research showed that my antibodies would be in the milk you were drinking all day every day. It was the best news possible and while nothing was certain, it made us feel a whole lot safer and a whole lot more at ease day to day.

So we booked a trip. We went on our first family vacation as a family of 7 to New Hampshire. You traveled with ease, smiled the whole time and it was like you had been our travel companion forever.

We came home and baptised you. Your baptism day was the first day we were with all of our family in so many months. It wasn’t easy planning a “pandemic friendly” church event and picnic after but worth each and every minute of planning. I think it had been the longest I had ever gone without seeing my siblings and getting to come back together on the day you were baptised will be something we will all always remember. 

Summer ended and in September your siblings went back to school. For the first time since the day you arrived home from the hospital, all 4 of them at school. Your sisters go to school for just a few hours in the mornings and your brothers in the afternoon but there’s an overlap of about 15min that it’s just us. 

Your personality gets silly and funnier by the day. Being born in a pandemic and staying home so much, I worried about you never seeing strangers and people outside our family. Would you be terrified of the outside world? You most definitely are not. You get so excited to see people. You love when your siblings have friends in the yard and when we go to the store, you know no strangers. Because everyone else has to wear a mask, people in the stores seem to appreciate seeing your smile so very much. They love your waving and piggie faces too. 

 

A friend recently shared that she read a stat saying that the amount of time people spent in their homes this year with their family members was equal to 4 years pre-pandemic. When my babies turn one, and I get a little sad, I often think about how fast it went and did I “soak up all the baby” days I could. This time I got 4 times as much time. I will always think of that when I look back at your baby photos. What a year for  a last baby in the family, a year with 4 times as much time all home together. 

You were born the week the world changed Teddy. But all the changes and fears going on in the world outside our home: you knew nothing of them. All you knew and know is love. You joined our family at the most perfect time. You came with your big eyes, warm heart and cozy snuggles at the time we all needed it most. Our family loves you more than all the stars in the sky and we can’t wait to celebrate you today and always. Happy birthday to our sweet Teddy bear.

Love, Mom